History

I have sat down many a times to write this but the words seem to escape me each time. 
I don't entirely know why I am going to share all this but I guess it is mainly so that others know where Okey and I are coming from.  Also I want to be able to help others who might be struggling with the same thing.  Sometimes it helps to know you are not the only one going through something.

Okey and I knew we wanted children from the very beginning.  We never thought that we would be led through this hard road.  There was a time where I couldn't even think of it without tearing up.  Now I am more understanding of our situation and understand better why God has led us here, so the tears come less often.  The pain is still deep but I know that through pain, great things can happen. 

Pretty soon after our marriage we began trying to conceive.  I knew that I would probably need a little more help from doctors in that area so we just trusted in God for timing.  Later I sought out doctor help, and then later I had to visit a specialist.  For several months I went through treatments.  At the same time we were constantly seeking God's guidance.  We knew we wanted to adopt at some point in our marriage.  We just needed to know when.  We didn't think that it would happen for our first child.  But that is God's plan.  It's funny how we plan our lives out and then we lift our heads one day and realize God wants us on a different road.  One day (I wish it had been sooner given what I was going through) I knew that I needed to stop treatments and start the adoption process. I think Okey knew sooner than I did, but wanted me to hear it from God for myself.  I loved the idea of adopting long before I met Okey.  It wasn't in MY plan though until years from now after we had our own biological children.  As most women, I long to experience that side of motherhood.  Well, that's not what God has for me (at least not right now). 

I say all of this because it has been so difficult for me some days.  Honestly when I was going through the difficulty of conceiving, I was angry.  I couldn't stand to be around other pregnant ladies or young children.  It was just too painful.  It all was a reminder of my loss and lack.  It seemed that everybody around me was getting lucky in the baby department but us.  I could tell Okey was hurt too, but it is different for men.

When you are in the moment of all the pain, it seems nobody else has been there.  I learned that others have been and are going through similar situations.  That is why I am sharing our story.  I want to be able to help other women who have or are experiencing infertility.  So many times I felt alone.  Nobody should feel that way.  I learned to trust God to bring me through those dark and painful times.  If you are in a similar situation, I want you to know that God is there with out stretched arms ready to pick you up and bring you forward.  I've learned that this entire journey is making me a stronger person, creating a stronger bond between Okey and I, and best of all letting me see that God is in control.  It could have easily done the opposite, but Okey and I have learned to let God lead which has made all the difference.

God heals and comforts.  It takes time but we are trusting in God and finding that this journey is rewarding.  I can see that this is where we need to be. I am appreciative of all the prayers and kind, uplifting words we have received. 

Okey and I are here for anyone who needs to know you aren't the only one.

More Waiting...

Our home study is done now.  We are just waiting on the paper work to be finalized and turned in by our social worker.  It should be all complete within the next couple of weeks, then we will be officially "waiting".  This means that we will be waiting for a mother and/or father to choose us.  In the mean time I need to plan some fundraisers and apply for grants.  There won't be much else to do other than fundraising and waiting patiently. 
It seems that we have been waiting forever for a child of our own.  Years and years!  In God's timing!  He has molding and shaping us into the perfect pair of parents for our children.  I get tears in my eyes when I think of holding that precious baby.  I love him/her already and I haven't even met them.  <3